joeyontheguitar

Make a wish or make it happen.

(via vivii)

being like jon in starcraft 2

So we were playing some 3v3 recently, and our team was losing… it was at that point where things looked really, really grim. One of our teammates shot his mouth off in the “All” chat about how the other team wasn’t that great, and of course he shouldn’t have, but nevertheless one of the other guys responded, “Well, neither are your teammates.”

Seriously? I mean, our guy was out of line for launching the first shot, but there was no reason to attack Jon and me. That was pretty cowardly. Go for the guy who insulted you and you have the moral advantage; go for the other people who didn’t even say anything and you’re just a douchebag.

Naturally, I was going to stick up for my side and shoot my mouth off for my team, regardless of whether we were right or wrong; I was getting pissed off about the other guy’s total assholery of picking on the people who didn’t even say anything. I was just about to say something to the opposing player who was launching the insults. But then Jon said, “It’s all good guys, it’s just a game.”

Leave it to Jon to find the best goddamn way to deal with the situation. Right then he put everything into perspective: This was an online game, with a couple of random people we’d never met, in a practice Ladder match that we were playing at 5 in the morning. Sure, we could make a big deal out of this and get angry and everything, but for what purpose? Was it worth getting mad over? Not for us. We were playing SC2 for fun, and we were having fun whether we were winning or not. Sure, there might come a time when I’ll take this game fairly seriously. But now? I’m a n00b and I know it, and I have no plans ever of playing this game professionally. So if I feel like floating my buildings around and making you hunt for me for fifteen minutes to take me out, then you bet your ass I’ll do that — which, by the way, is exactly what we made the other team do. HAHHAHAH.

Jon reminded me of something really important, which is: Be cool. Not just in StarCraft, but in whatever else you do, namely life itself. It’s something I’m working toward every day.

views on life i thought of in the shower

First, don’t view other people as enemies. Rather, as a default, view them as allies. It makes life so much more amazing, and you never know when keeping an open mind will net you that best damn conversation you’ve ever had. What can happen after a damn good conversation? The possibilities are endless. (If you thought “sex”… stop it, you dirty bastard.)

Second, there are some things in the world you should take seriously. For most other things, you should stop taking them so seriously. Basically, my point is that most of the time you should not take shit so seriously.

Like finals, for example. I’m not taking that shit seriously. jk of course… sigh. lol

thought of the day:

Don’t think so much.

Sometimes you’re sitting there thinking about the perfect way to write something, the perfect way to talk to someone, the perfect way to live your life. Sometimes you should do that. But most of the time you’re thinking too much. At least that’s what I’m like.

Just go do it.

My views on life

I don’t really care about organization in this post. This is going to be a mess of my thoughts. I have principles on life that I want to stick to, and writing them down helps keep me grounded. And why make them public? I don’t know. Maybe I’m hoping it’ll make me more transparent. Maybe I’m looking for feedback. I don’t know. Maybe doing so will keep this stuff relevant (I don’t have a good explanation for this). This also won’t be a literary masterpiece… in fact, this may be one of the shittiest examples of my writing to date. I don’t care too much about grammar and clarity at this point. Anyway, it’s 4:29 a.m. and I don’t know why I’m still up, but I feel like writing this.

I’m not opposed to meeting new people; in fact, I love meeting new people. But please don’t mind me if I’m naturally gravitating toward the same people over and over again. I do it because I’m more interested in building a strong relationship with a few people than being just an acquaintance with everyone. If I like someone, I’ll spend more time with that person. If I feel that the trust and respect is there, then I’ll build my loyalty to that person. As I give more of my loyalty to that person, I’ll be away from that person less often to talk to other people. It’s not my goal at all to be popular. I’ve tried that route many times before and, frankly, it disgusts me. If I had the option of having one best friend in the entire world but never making another friend for as long as I lived, I would accept. You think I’m crazy? Maybe I am.

Loyalty is absolutely my most cherished quality I look for in my friend. I don’t know why this strikes such a chord with me. Maybe it’s because I haven’t had best friends since when I was very little. Maybe it’s because when it came down to who was the one getting ditched because my friend liked someone else better than me… it was me getting ditched. (Did I mention… shitty writing?) I’m not the most fun person to be around at most times. That I admit. It’s the person who will stick with me when I’m not fun to be around that I trust and admire. For the record, I don’t consider myself to have a best friend at this moment. I apologize if I potentially hurt anyone who considers me their best friend, but I’m a very vulnerable person and I don’t define the term loosely. I guess I wouldn’t consider myself to have really close friends in the stricter sense… more like friends and acquaintances, I suppose. It’s my fault, because I’ve put more work into student government than I have into building my relationships.

A word on student government, because it’s been such a big part of my life. Student government, when I put it against my sincere hope of finding that one best friend, means nothing. I’m serving the students, that is true. And isn’t that the nature of public service? Isn’t it sacrifice? But I’m at the stage in my life where I shouldn’t be thinking that way. I’m at the stage in my life when I feel I should put my friends over my public service. Go ahead, attack me for this. I’m okay with that because I’ll stand with my friends any day of the week. Student government is an extracurricular. In the wide-ranging sense it’s an extracurricular that I take very, very seriously because I have a vested interest in doing my absolute best to serve the student body. But in the introverted sense… it’s an extracurricular. It’s something I shouldn’t be putting ahead of my personal life. Student government is almost like its own self-contained game, where many people collect a paycheck and sit around using Facebook all day on the office computers, where people somewhat laughably jockey for “influence” with passionate fervor, where people think they’re the shit. I don’t play the political games because I choose not to, not because I’m not aware they’re happening. I’m in student government because I want to help make this campus better for its students. Not because I want to sit on the third floor of the Memorial Union feeling important. We in student government need to ask ourselves what we’re doing every day. What did you goddamn do today? Today I spent $138.75 of my own money to buy digital recording equipment for Senate meetings, which I feel will increase ASUCD transparency. (Don’t worry, there was a bill passed in October of last year for this equipment — the equipment was just never bought. I will get reimbursed by the funds allocated with the bill… probably in January or so… but I’ll get reimbursed.) That’s one goddamn thing I did today, and I’m happy that I did it. Last word on this and I’ll be done… I want to talk about being the Controller for the student government. It’s been my university dream to be Controller of ASUCD. I’ve accomplished this goal and I absolutely love my job. But at what cost? I’ve poured so much time into ASUCD that I don’t have a best friend. Am I thinking about applying for a second term as Controller? Yeah, but when I weigh my job against the realities of my life, I don’t want to apply anymore. Forget about the fact that I’m unsure if the potential winners of the presidency would want me in the office. That’s not the question. The question is of what the job is doing to my life. I’m prepared to resign my position in a heartbeat if it’s necessary for my personal life. Oh, is this an opening for political attack? Go for it. Attack away. Because to those who would attack me, this is a game. It’s not a game to me. But it’s also not more important than my friendships.

You will like some people more than other people; some people will like you more than other people will. This is a fact. And it’s something that took me a long time to realize. For pretty much my entire life I’ve tried to like everyone equally, and I’ve tried to be liked by everyone. That was a mistake of vast proportions. It led me to compromise on what I really felt and how I acted toward people. It’s led to my usual “strategy” of doing what I could to appease the other party, to make that person like me. Over my entire life I’ve disliked very few people, but that’s a fact that I mark as very, very strange. And no, I’m not saying you should go finding people to dislike. You should treat everyone with respect. But even if you treat everyone with respect, there will always be douchebags who don’t care about you or your feelings. Don’t worry about appeasing them. You’re wasting your time and compromising yourself emotionally. You don’t like them? That’s fine. You don’t have to pretend you like them when you don’t… because you don’t like them, and that’s the truth. So move on.

I don’t believe in looking for love — I believe in being open to it and waiting for it to happen. I’m not saying that you can’t have a crush on someone and consequently get into a relationship with that person, but personally that’s not how my almost-relationships have started. I say almost-relationships, by the way, because every single time I’ve been too scared to pull the trigger and ask. No, I’ve never been in a relationship. I don’t go for relationships just to say I’ve been in a relationship. I guess you could say that I might as well start since I’m young, but I just can’t see it that way… I wouldn’t feel right doing that. Anyway, call me cold-hearted but I don’t feel having a one-way crush on someone is terribly productive. If you have a crush on someone and your advances are unrequited, it might be that you’re attaching some kind of arbitrary reason for your interest to the person you’re crushing on. Maybe it’s not meant to be, but of course there are always many more fish in the sea. Mutual interest, in my experience, just kind of… begins. That said, if I have a crush on someone but I don’t see anything coming back from that person, then I’ll think about the person for fun but won’t expect anything to happen. It’s my way of protecting myself emotionally and keeping my life productive.

I’m going to bed. I should probably edit this post at some point, but I probably won’t. I guess I’ll add more to this when I think of it because I’m sure I have more to say. Anyway, I’ll post this and see what happens. Good or bad, it’s probably meant to be.

A Resolution

I have a D in Chinese right now, I’m swamped for time, and I’m not hanging out as much as I want to. This is unacceptable — I refuse to live anything less than an amazing life.

No more bullshit. I’m going to make it all happen. That’s a promise.

P.S.: Retreat starts today and I’m EXCITEDDD